Me too!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
