Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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