u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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