It's like God shit irony all over that family
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
