i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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