Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
