I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
