My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
