just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
