hotel room ftw
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
