I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this boner is exhausting
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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