just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
