i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
