Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and you fell through a lawn chair
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