new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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