what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found a bag of teeth...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
