Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
