i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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