i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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