It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
