Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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