He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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