He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
