If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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