remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
