Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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