I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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