its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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