I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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