I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
