How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
