you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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