ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
