yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
