I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
