Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
