don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
