I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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