What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
