Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
