I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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