Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
