well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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