the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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