FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
