You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
