So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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