at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize