You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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