I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
