You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
