Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How does one acquire holy water?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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